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[ sighs ]
I need you to teach me how to keep a straighter face...
I need you to teach me how to keep a straighter face...
Haha...! I like to think I don't care that much.
[ thats the benefit of being a freaky shutin actually: can't care what people think when they don't really know what you exist ]
It's just... a bit embarrassing in general, I think... maybe it is just my upbringing. Do these things truly not both you?
[ thats the benefit of being a freaky shutin actually: can't care what people think when they don't really know what you exist ]
It's just... a bit embarrassing in general, I think... maybe it is just my upbringing. Do these things truly not both you?
[ cool this sucks!!!! this sucks a lot!!!
as is his usual on friday, taair is out in the gardens with his sketchbook, quietly working on drawing portraits for memorials. his brow is furrowed, focused, clearly sad. there's a white dove sitting on his shoulder, nesting in the fabric over his shoulder, which cooes upon the sound of footsteps.
he glances up - soft eyed and sad, but still manages a small smile. ]
... Such an escalation.
as is his usual on friday, taair is out in the gardens with his sketchbook, quietly working on drawing portraits for memorials. his brow is furrowed, focused, clearly sad. there's a white dove sitting on his shoulder, nesting in the fabric over his shoulder, which cooes upon the sound of footsteps.
he glances up - soft eyed and sad, but still manages a small smile. ]
... Such an escalation.
[ yeah mood. taair's like two steps away from diving into the Nihility Hole TM himself today
he makes a soft noise of agreement, and shakes his head. ]
... I cannot help but wonder if Yves and Saber were targeted on purpose. [ ... ] Though that is troubling - violence does not solve violence. Vengeance and redemption alike are a dangerous cycle.
he makes a soft noise of agreement, and shakes his head. ]
... I cannot help but wonder if Yves and Saber were targeted on purpose. [ ... ] Though that is troubling - violence does not solve violence. Vengeance and redemption alike are a dangerous cycle.
I agree.
[ ugh. he looks down at his hands - the radiant knows that he had to do it, too. every decision they've made is a death decided, let alone an execution. ]
...The best case scenario is that one of the three of them was an attacker of another - as awful as that is to say.
[ ugh. he looks down at his hands - the radiant knows that he had to do it, too. every decision they've made is a death decided, let alone an execution. ]
...The best case scenario is that one of the three of them was an attacker of another - as awful as that is to say.
[ brings him a towel
that's it that's the starter ]
that's it that's the starter ]
[ i decided i would not force mizu into school
so!! he can find taair out at the Bone Zone tm, having taken risha out to play. his chao is swinging on the swing, and taair himself is sitting with a giant magical tome on his lap, reading it studiously and occasionally looking up to make sure risha hasn't like thrown itself into a bone or something.
looking up, he spots mizu - his thoughts more or less go ! Oh, dear Mizu! and he smiles, waving. ]
Good day, my friend. An exciting one already, isn't it?
so!! he can find taair out at the Bone Zone tm, having taken risha out to play. his chao is swinging on the swing, and taair himself is sitting with a giant magical tome on his lap, reading it studiously and occasionally looking up to make sure risha hasn't like thrown itself into a bone or something.
looking up, he spots mizu - his thoughts more or less go ! Oh, dear Mizu! and he smiles, waving. ]
Good day, my friend. An exciting one already, isn't it?
[CUTE... mizu's still unnamed chao toddles up to play with risha. this is a chao playdate now.
except that instead of answering taair's question like a normal human being, mizu pauses. looks at him oddly, almost as if overcome by something...? and then terminator marches up to him, clamping both hands on his shoulders and looking at him straight in the eyes.]
Taair. [GRAVELY. INTENSELY.] You are very dear to me. If anything happened to you, I would kill whoever did it without a moment's hesitation. And I would make it hurt. Do not die.
[is this... a confession? a friendship confession?
anyway, mizu lets go of him immediately after this and then turns around to leave, abandoning the chao and all. goodbye.....]
except that instead of answering taair's question like a normal human being, mizu pauses. looks at him oddly, almost as if overcome by something...? and then terminator marches up to him, clamping both hands on his shoulders and looking at him straight in the eyes.]
Taair. [GRAVELY. INTENSELY.] You are very dear to me. If anything happened to you, I would kill whoever did it without a moment's hesitation. And I would make it hurt. Do not die.
[is this... a confession? a friendship confession?
anyway, mizu lets go of him immediately after this and then turns around to leave, abandoning the chao and all. goodbye.....]
[ THIS IS SIMPLY THE CUTEST TAG I DIE
taair has no idea what is going on. in fact, he is fairly sure mizu is mad at him right up until he absolutely is not. he blinks, once, twice.....
.......... and then looks just. delighted? his whole face warms up in the sweetest, happiest smile in the world - which quickly turns to a startled laugh. ]
Oh - Mizu! No, wait, wait...! [ he will make a reach for their sleeve so mizu can't just get away forever and also abandon his child. ] -- The compulsion for not following the rule, I take it, right? It's alright, there's no need to be embarrassed. [ DON'T JUST CALL HIM OUT ]
I will do my best not to die - and you are very, very dear to me, too. [ Cute. How lucky I am, today. ] Come, will you sit with me for a little while? Nothing would make me happier.
taair has no idea what is going on. in fact, he is fairly sure mizu is mad at him right up until he absolutely is not. he blinks, once, twice.....
.......... and then looks just. delighted? his whole face warms up in the sweetest, happiest smile in the world - which quickly turns to a startled laugh. ]
Oh - Mizu! No, wait, wait...! [ he will make a reach for their sleeve so mizu can't just get away forever and also abandon his child. ] -- The compulsion for not following the rule, I take it, right? It's alright, there's no need to be embarrassed. [ DON'T JUST CALL HIM OUT ]
I will do my best not to die - and you are very, very dear to me, too. [ Cute. How lucky I am, today. ] Come, will you sit with me for a little while? Nothing would make me happier.
[ he will keep his hands in his lap to resist hugging mizu again even though the urge to hug him... is soooo strong...
but upon being addressed, he gives him a very soft, apologetic smile. ]
I did not die. [ ha ha... get it... ] I think...
... It as another situation of someone's life. [ he says, after a moment, quietly. ] There was a fortress... I felt that I was a mercenary.
but upon being addressed, he gives him a very soft, apologetic smile. ]
I did not die. [ ha ha... get it... ] I think...
... It as another situation of someone's life. [ he says, after a moment, quietly. ] There was a fortress... I felt that I was a mercenary.
[STOP BE LESS HAPPY ABOUT THIS PROMISE OF VIOLENCE.
mizu groans, but allows taair to grab a sleeve. fine... i guess taair and the babies won't be getting abandoned today.]
Ugh. [UGH. making a face at him.] Even if it was only in your head, don't just call it... cute.
mizu groans, but allows taair to grab a sleeve. fine... i guess taair and the babies won't be getting abandoned today.]
Ugh. [UGH. making a face at him.] Even if it was only in your head, don't just call it... cute.
... You didn't. And for that I am glad.
[thank god emotionshare is long since over, because otherwise taair would just be getting blasted with stress.
but also, hm.]
I see. [and though mizu already suspects the answer, considering... earlier...] Whose life was it?
[thank god emotionshare is long since over, because otherwise taair would just be getting blasted with stress.
but also, hm.]
I see. [and though mizu already suspects the answer, considering... earlier...] Whose life was it?
[ haha! he smiles a little at the first part, just faintly, but it fades off of his face, and briefly, he is treated to the image of a baby with blue eyes. ]
...Yours.
...Yours.
[freezing for a second after catching a glimpse of that hecking baby, and then immediately glancing at taair's back, remembering the fucking burns. then there's a little flicker of a thought. an image of a white man held down with a dagger at his throat, the crackling of fire surrounding him while he asks, don't you want to know which one tried to burn you alive as a baby? which one killed your mother?
and then it's gone. mizu lets out a breath.]
... I don't know what you experienced, exactly. [on account of being a baby, apparently!!] But I can make a guess. And for that I am sorry, Taair.
and then it's gone. mizu lets out a breath.]
... I don't know what you experienced, exactly. [on account of being a baby, apparently!!] But I can make a guess. And for that I am sorry, Taair.
[ MIZUUUU
weh. this makes him look at mizu with wide, surprised eyes, his head snapping up even if it hurts. ]
You -- no, I'm sorry, how -- how unimaginably awful people were to you, you were a child, and -
[ there's a beat. the thought register, and his fingers curl hard in the blankets in his lap, eyes cast down. over his head, his thoughts swirl to water, a frigid ocean. the guilt is immeasurable, the awful horror of every dead face, of the contract itself, of the blood that life put upon his hands. of the child they tried so hard to keep alive, of the cruelty of that maid looking at a baby, an infant (and an infant who has grown into one of taair's favorite people besides, and how devastating it felt to understand what the contract was. ]
...we tried to save you. [ very, very quietly, almost hoarse. And we failed. ] I'm so sorry.
weh. this makes him look at mizu with wide, surprised eyes, his head snapping up even if it hurts. ]
You -- no, I'm sorry, how -- how unimaginably awful people were to you, you were a child, and -
[ there's a beat. the thought register, and his fingers curl hard in the blankets in his lap, eyes cast down. over his head, his thoughts swirl to water, a frigid ocean. the guilt is immeasurable, the awful horror of every dead face, of the contract itself, of the blood that life put upon his hands. of the child they tried so hard to keep alive, of the cruelty of that maid looking at a baby, an infant (and an infant who has grown into one of taair's favorite people besides, and how devastating it felt to understand what the contract was. ]
...we tried to save you. [ very, very quietly, almost hoarse. And we failed. ] I'm so sorry.
You don't have to be sorry. [I am. That they used something that happened to me, and...] And I'm... grateful. That you tried to save me. Even if it was all a fake world.
[a pause, hesitating. before very carefully reaching down to put a hand over his, where he's gripping onto the blankets.]
But that's all it was. A well crafted fake, created by the entity to hurt you. Do you understand? [squeezes his hand, just slightly.] In the real world, I survived that experience and now I stand before you, a grown man. You don't have to flagellate yourself over something that happened before I was even old enough to remember it.
[never mind that people are still fucking awful, but at least mizu can bite back now.]
[a pause, hesitating. before very carefully reaching down to put a hand over his, where he's gripping onto the blankets.]
But that's all it was. A well crafted fake, created by the entity to hurt you. Do you understand? [squeezes his hand, just slightly.] In the real world, I survived that experience and now I stand before you, a grown man. You don't have to flagellate yourself over something that happened before I was even old enough to remember it.
[never mind that people are still fucking awful, but at least mizu can bite back now.]
[ this helps. mizu's intensity is grounding normally, but here - the gentle squeeze, the raw honesty in his words - both keep him on this planet of existence, and he inhales, taking a slow, shaky breath and nodding. that's right. that's right, he survived.
there's a beat, and slowly, he loosens his grip on the covers. ]
... It is not your fault. [ is the first thing he says, quietly. followed by - ] Thank you.
[ for the steadying presence, as always, for the grounding moment of reality, for his kindness. for everything, really. deep breath in, deep breath out. a fake experience, based in reality, a fake experience that mizu, that richie and taair (and somewhere, adolphe and hawke) managed to survive. ]
No wonder you have garnered such fortitude. [ he said it a couple weeks ago - you just have to not let people get the satisfaction of seeing you react. no wonder he's able to be stoic like that. ] Even if the source comes from such cruelty.
[ ... ]
I wielded a sword against a very large monster. [ a beat. ] I think for that part, you may have been proud.
there's a beat, and slowly, he loosens his grip on the covers. ]
... It is not your fault. [ is the first thing he says, quietly. followed by - ] Thank you.
[ for the steadying presence, as always, for the grounding moment of reality, for his kindness. for everything, really. deep breath in, deep breath out. a fake experience, based in reality, a fake experience that mizu, that richie and taair (and somewhere, adolphe and hawke) managed to survive. ]
No wonder you have garnered such fortitude. [ he said it a couple weeks ago - you just have to not let people get the satisfaction of seeing you react. no wonder he's able to be stoic like that. ] Even if the source comes from such cruelty.
[ ... ]
I wielded a sword against a very large monster. [ a beat. ] I think for that part, you may have been proud.
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