[cool, she will find him in the lobby. she doesn't want to make him talk about it, but like, they are ostensibly friends. she doesn't want to leave things off weird, either.
scrolling chipper? how unlike. what is he looking at.]
Oh. I was wondering if that was what you were looking at. [since he isn't usually all that active on chipper, but fidelio did post about the movie.] You ought to come. The book was entertaining enough.
I am confident you will like this a lot more. It is not about rich people kissing on a fancy boat, there are important things that happen. And fighting.
[but she could be wrong and mizu's favorite genre could be romantic drama.]
How are you doing? Given that tomorrow is the final day. [trying to ask that in a neutral way.]
[mizu's genre won't be romantic drama but it is also not going to be good taste. maybe watching the hobbits go on their walkies will feel relatable, though.]
I'm fine. Whatever judgement awaits me, my mind is clear. [don't worry about it. puts down the phone, looking at her.] And you? Are you prepared?
I don't think it will only be a matter of passively accepting judgment. I suspect you'll have to speak for yourself, too.
[she really doesn't think mizu deserves to get blasted to hell with mary or whatever but also, pictures mizu just saying dark things about getting revenge to god. one fear.]
And that part does worry me, as well as trying to think about whatever future may exist after that.
["the boy" like mizu isn't only two years older. sweet jonas really opened himself up to more bullying with that face reveal.]
If he's been listening in to our conversations, then nothing I have to say tomorrow will come as a surprise. I will either go home and fulfill my vow, or I will fail and stay dead. [sometimes you are unapologetically yourself, and not really afraid of your mortality. mizu "let me succeed or let me die" mizuson.] ... Are you uncertain about what you will do, if you're granted your second chance?
[she feels it's probably not really her place to tell mizu to maybe do something else with his life, but also fucking somebody better be trying. she knows there are things he's been through she knows nothing about that go into all of this, but gods it's grim.]
I know what I'll do in the short term. [more boss battles.] But I've lived my entire life for Lady Shar. So the idea of finding out what else I do with myself is frightening, yes. [which she knows mizu must understand, which is part of why she wants to ratshake him over everything he just said.]
but this is relatable. painfully so. there's a pang of something a little bittersweet, sharp and quick. gone in an instant, but still unmistakable. unfortunately, though, just because it's relatable it doesn't mean that mizu is going to take this moment for some self-reflection. stubborn asshole.]
Your kind is long lived, no? [or maybe shadowheart has one heck of a skincare routine at nearly 50. who knows.] Don't die for another decade or five, and you'll find yourself again. You don't seem like the type who's inclined to stagnate, anyway.
Elves are, but I'm a half-elf. I only age a little slower than humans. [but a decade or five more than most humans get is probably reasonable.]
I don't understand how any of you could feel you know anything about the type of person I am. [she doesn't mean that in a "you don't know me" way, just, it's wild to her because she has no idea who she is or what type of person she is. if anything, she's flattered mizu thinks this, but doubtful] I don't even have memories that go back longer than months. Just vague things, and most of them - I doubt I've ever done anything worthwhile, or fought for anything that mattered, in all that time I had. [other than fighting for herself in that she lived through it.] The decades I've had were spent doing cruel and awful things for no other reason than I was told to do so, so I think stagnation is precisely the sort of thing I'm inclined to.
[fuck it, though, she feels that pang and she will just say something even if it's pushy, and even if not one single time she has tried to argue with mizu on something he is stubborn about has it worked.]
It simply didn't take much time at all, of letting myself hear other people's wishes for me, before I started to consider whether something else was possible. And I don't particularly think I am qualified to be giving anyone life advice, but I must think that in all this time you have at least wondered whether there are other paths for you, even if you haven't taken the leap to consider trying to find one. [then again she has literally never had to test any of this resolve in the real world and maybe she will step outside and fall on her face immediately.]
... I see. I wasn't aware you had lost the majority of your memories. [a little concerning to learn that she's missing, like. nearly five decades of shit. but mizu doesn't have seven more weeks to worry about shadowheart's brain.] For what it's worth, I think that places you further away from the person you used to be. And it's clearly enough to let you consider taking another road.
[which is nice! for shadowheart specifically.]
There are no other paths available to me. I have accepted my lot in life, and have no intentions to abandon my vow if I'm allowed my second chance. But I appreciate your concern.
[just mildly teasing, just a little. she thinks mizu probably resents it, and that's fair. she doesn't know his life.]
You never let anyone here make you do anything you didn't want to do and I doubt that will change now. [you do have to admire it even though she wishes someone would ratshake him.]
[for what it's worth, she won't be getting the sense that mizu resents any of it. it probably feels more like the emotional equivalent of someone stubbornly digging their heels into the ground, dismissing an option before even considering it.
but... well, shadowheart's trying? offered a little bit of herself, too. so. after a moment, mizu sighs.]
... Just so you know, I did consider it once. A different path. Took the leap, as you so aptly put it. But that was a mistake I won't be repeating again.
Attempting it and having it fail is worse in some ways than never attempting. [she came here with the mindset, trying to put something back that was already broken because she tried and lost her life for it.]
I took one risk and slighted my goddess, thinking I might have the protection of another one for doing so. Instead, I wound up here. I could step outside this place with all of my goals and intentions and instantly be smited once again. I really don't know the answer.
I'm not sure there are. I do have a little bit of a ticking clock that would start to run if I stepped too far away from the place I left. [this awkward conversation she keeps having to have this week about how she never mentioned her terminal brain parasite.]
But regardless, even if god could help me with that, there are things I feel I must do and people who don't need to be alive anymore. [she gotta go massacre every sharran but it's for a nice and good reason so it's fine.]
It's not something I'm too worried about, but it would be quickly fatal without the protective spells I had access to at home.
[so, yeah. it's maybe something she could have asked gabriel to help with, but that wouldn't help her friends.]
I never thought you would disapprove. I don't see why being a good person ought to exclude removing a few from existence whose departure will make the world a better place.
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scrolling chipper? how unlike. what is he looking at.]
Fidelio's party?
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glances at her.]
Yes...? What about it?
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scrolls up to find that post again.]
Lord of the Rings...? Never heard of it. [hmm.] I'll think about it. Though the last movie we watched wasn't too impressive.
[mizu's thesis on why rose should have just married for money instead of love (no)]
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[but she could be wrong and mizu's favorite genre could be romantic drama.]
How are you doing? Given that tomorrow is the final day. [trying to ask that in a neutral way.]
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[mizu's genre won't be romantic drama but it is also not going to be good taste. maybe watching the hobbits go on their walkies will feel relatable, though.]
I'm fine. Whatever judgement awaits me, my mind is clear. [don't worry about it. puts down the phone, looking at her.] And you? Are you prepared?
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[she really doesn't think mizu deserves to get blasted to hell with mary or whatever but also, pictures mizu just saying dark things about getting revenge to god. one fear.]
And that part does worry me, as well as trying to think about whatever future may exist after that.
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["the boy" like mizu isn't only two years older. sweet jonas really opened himself up to more bullying with that face reveal.]
If he's been listening in to our conversations, then nothing I have to say tomorrow will come as a surprise. I will either go home and fulfill my vow, or I will fail and stay dead. [sometimes you are unapologetically yourself, and not really afraid of your mortality. mizu "let me succeed or let me die" mizuson.] ... Are you uncertain about what you will do, if you're granted your second chance?
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I know what I'll do in the short term. [more boss battles.] But I've lived my entire life for Lady Shar. So the idea of finding out what else I do with myself is frightening, yes. [which she knows mizu must understand, which is part of why she wants to ratshake him over everything he just said.]
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but this is relatable. painfully so. there's a pang of something a little bittersweet, sharp and quick. gone in an instant, but still unmistakable. unfortunately, though, just because it's relatable it doesn't mean that mizu is going to take this moment for some self-reflection. stubborn asshole.]
Your kind is long lived, no? [or maybe shadowheart has one heck of a skincare routine at nearly 50. who knows.] Don't die for another decade or five, and you'll find yourself again. You don't seem like the type who's inclined to stagnate, anyway.
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I don't understand how any of you could feel you know anything about the type of person I am. [she doesn't mean that in a "you don't know me" way, just, it's wild to her because she has no idea who she is or what type of person she is. if anything, she's flattered mizu thinks this, but doubtful] I don't even have memories that go back longer than months. Just vague things, and most of them - I doubt I've ever done anything worthwhile, or fought for anything that mattered, in all that time I had. [other than fighting for herself in that she lived through it.] The decades I've had were spent doing cruel and awful things for no other reason than I was told to do so, so I think stagnation is precisely the sort of thing I'm inclined to.
[fuck it, though, she feels that pang and she will just say something even if it's pushy, and even if not one single time she has tried to argue with mizu on something he is stubborn about has it worked.]
It simply didn't take much time at all, of letting myself hear other people's wishes for me, before I started to consider whether something else was possible. And I don't particularly think I am qualified to be giving anyone life advice, but I must think that in all this time you have at least wondered whether there are other paths for you, even if you haven't taken the leap to consider trying to find one. [then again she has literally never had to test any of this resolve in the real world and maybe she will step outside and fall on her face immediately.]
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[which is nice! for shadowheart specifically.]
There are no other paths available to me. I have accepted my lot in life, and have no intentions to abandon my vow if I'm allowed my second chance. But I appreciate your concern.
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[just mildly teasing, just a little. she thinks mizu probably resents it, and that's fair. she doesn't know his life.]
You never let anyone here make you do anything you didn't want to do and I doubt that will change now. [you do have to admire it even though she wishes someone would ratshake him.]
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[for what it's worth, she won't be getting the sense that mizu resents any of it. it probably feels more like the emotional equivalent of someone stubbornly digging their heels into the ground, dismissing an option before even considering it.
but... well, shadowheart's trying? offered a little bit of herself, too. so. after a moment, mizu sighs.]
... Just so you know, I did consider it once. A different path. Took the leap, as you so aptly put it. But that was a mistake I won't be repeating again.
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[actually she really does.]
Attempting it and having it fail is worse in some ways than never attempting. [she came here with the mindset, trying to put something back that was already broken because she tried and lost her life for it.]
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[sighing.]
I took one risk and slighted my goddess, thinking I might have the protection of another one for doing so. Instead, I wound up here. I could step outside this place with all of my goals and intentions and instantly be smited once again. I really don't know the answer.
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[dryly.]
... But there may be other options available to you. If what Yves said was true.
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But regardless, even if god could help me with that, there are things I feel I must do and people who don't need to be alive anymore. [she gotta go massacre every sharran but it's for a nice and good reason so it's fine.]
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[I SEE... absolutely hilarious of her to only drop this lore on endgame week.]
I see. Well, if there are people who must die, then who am I to dissuade from going down that path?
[can you imagine? the hypocrisy.]
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[so, yeah. it's maybe something she could have asked gabriel to help with, but that wouldn't help her friends.]
I never thought you would disapprove. I don't see why being a good person ought to exclude removing a few from existence whose departure will make the world a better place.